Seka couldn't get comfortable and didn't want to move around too much. She was panting no matter if she was laying down or standing up. Needless to say, I freaked out. This was her first truly bad day since her diagnosis. A day where I couldn't figure out how to make her happy or at least pain-free. A day where every time she moved I felt like I needed to jump up and help her in fear of her falling over or worse, breaking her leg.
I called every greyhound expert I know. I emailed them too. If you are one of the people that I attacked on Monday, I thank you for dealing with my crazy. Adjusting pain meds and getting fancy oncologists to call you back can consume you. I'm thankful for the fantastic resources through GreyTalk and various Yahoo groups. I'm just sad that all of their experience is thanks to this disease.
Seka's limp has become more pronounced these days. She isn't panting while she is standing nor while she is laying down. I've assumed she will always limp, although some people tell me her altered gait is what I should be using to measure her pain. I don't always feel like I'm doing the right thing, but I'm trying to do my best.
Monday was the first day I felt hopeless, and realized that only the worst was ahead for the both of us. This chapter in our lives together will conclude with only one ending, and it's not pretty.
So, Monday gave me a gut check - "Are you tough enough to care for her through to the end?" This week I've had to have a good cry and give myself a pep talk. Hopefully my strength and focus won't waiver too much from here on out. Suck it up buttercup!
PS: My pity party is embarrassing when I think about my friend Shelley, who was diagnosed with stage two breast cancer in October. She's fighting with everything she has, including the most amazing positive attitude.